Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Theory, yet not a definition, about love

Love is like a pyramid. There are many stages to create it, and then there are many stages to get to the top. The support is family love, and that is the family you've always had. When that love feels it cannot support you...the friendships lead into the family. That's why you feel your friends are your sisters and brothers etc. Then there is friendship love...and unrequited love..and there are so many stages to it. And then there's that top...that top near the sy. The one you can only get to on your own. That true love that can only be described with your emotions, your one else can describe it. That loves is the eternal love, and when you feel feel euphoria at least once in your life just by hearing them sleep. Yet, sometimes you can be misguided because you think you're at the very top..and then it turns out you're only half way up, or 3/4 of the way up..there is no way of knowing whether that love will stay forever except for time.As the egyptians had no way of knowing if the pyramids would stay intact..except by time.


So this is a little bit personal...there is no generalized standings here, it's all quite specific. Specific to me, maybe some of it might not be even completely true...but what I've heard is what is written.

I'm Irish...well a part of me is, and they say that the Irish have a temper. A HUGE temper. One that you get into and get out of in a jiff, unless of course someone bugs you or does not help with the situation at hand. I'm also...from a family, my mother's side (father's side isIrish) who has a major temper...and when I say major temper, I mean it's like Irish're not except it lasts a little longer usually. Screaming, yelling, throwing things...and don't forget I have a step father who has the temper of a mad man..and a mother who has the shortest temper in the world.

I was raised with anger...along with other good things, but still that was a major part of my being raised. Genetically, I'm an angry person..possibly more angry than a lot of people, but peple don't realize that normally (if it's really small) I can handle it...but that's only with people I do not know or I am not that close to. But when I get angry at someone..or I am already angry at someone else and someone bugs me...I am the devil I suppose you could say.

I scream, rant, rave, want to kill (don't really kill though)...and sometimes the only way I can actually calm down is by choking myself. Crying tends to help me calm down, but in the long run it's not good for the person on the other side.

When a close friend, relative does not respond to me ...soon (IE: next few minutes) and I'm crying..I am going to be saying things that I will regret, or don't even know what I'm saying. I'll try so hard to say them in the nicest way, because unfortunately when I get quite mad I just can't stop myself from saying anything...I just can't.

It's like stopping a bird from flying. It's not possible, unless of course you cut their wings..but they will still try to fly, and that could be worse for the bird.

I know it will cease sooner if the person seems to be cooperative...but I guess it's supposed to be only me. They do say that holding in anger is not a good thing..not a good thing at all.

Soo here's my question.

If this is how I am, genetically and mentally, is it really considered an excuse?