Thursday, April 20, 2006

Vacations ...not the greatest entertainment. I feel like giving you some of my ever inconveniently placed thoughts. I just have to find them..hmm....Friends, acquantances, people who feel like reading my words. Hi. I am Kasey the mighty ol' one who isn't that old. The girl who lives in a land of trees and a self-sufficient amount of cows. (I think..haven't really talked with them). I am a girl who's house is haunted by ghosts and who's town is more than 200 years old. Do you know me yet?

Alright so today (counting the early morning from 12 am - now) I mostly read Gone with the Wind. I stayed up, until possibly four o'clock. Actually 4:10 to be exact. Just to read the boring novel that is extremely interesting. How that can be? I do not know, nor will I ever come to that conclusion. I already know what's going to happen in the end yet I still want to read of that Rhett Butler. He is a most interesting character, one of the more interesting I have read in my entire life (and believe me..I've read multiple characters in my lifetime). The scene is set in the south, during the Civil War. It broadens my mind with the Civil War, which is good because my mind was pretty closed when it came to that huge war. I even had a friend with a friend from the South about it. That's very sad.
The rest of the day (until now) I've been listening to Sevendust, or trying to download their songs at least. And right now I'm waiting for someone to notice my existance. No one has done so yet, and I'm deeply scared they will not before the event takes place. I will not tell you what the event is. That is for you to wonder of and scratch your brains wanting to know. Isn't it?

A splendid thing happened today. I don't recall what it was though.

A poem of which I am certain

Echoing the brilliant shade
of evergreen.
Your soul takes shape
as a silent beam of light
would strike through the haze.
Creating a mastery.

Falling from the skies
my heart soars like an eagle
flying across the desolate sun.
Your voice,
heavenly to my fragile mind.
Making it stronger by the second.

Every time we cannot speak
your voice is safely in my mind.
Ocean waves dare not move
as I remind myself of your eyes.
Eternally my heart will remember
the shine brought by you.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Dealing with it....

Still my scared level is high....why is this?? Because I don't know, because I can't know...because there is no possible way I can actually know without breaking the rules. Or waiting for him to get online.

There is nothing in my life...that I can see. I need a life, I really do. Yet I fear I cannot have one...without him in it. He's my half...with him I feel happy, ready to take on any new experience. Ready for anything really...and I don't even see him. I can't hold him, I'm just deeply scared that I'm going to lose him. Every time I send an e-mail..or a comment.. I fear he's going to get sick of me like all of my other friends, people who loved me, and my father. I know he will not...because he hasn't and it's been several months. But I still cannot help the fear, it's inside me...andI don't know how to get it out..until I know we wlil be together. Until I feel his arms, or see his smile.

I know this seems strange, and to some possibly an obsession. Yet, I do not need his words to actually live. I do not need him to talk with me..I need to know he loves me and to know he cares. that's it...if that's too much, then I should probably get my priority's straight. He does not need to think I'm the most beautiful would be a great thing if he did, because that shows that he really loves me. (I mean we all know I'm not), but hey he doesn't. hurts sometimes. But knowing he's in my life...makes me feel happiness even though there is pain.